Giving Up

Whelp, I give up. I’ve given up on NaNoWriMo.

There are 5 days remaining to write for it, and 34,000 words to write. With two Thanksgivings, job hunting, sometimes babysitting, and in general being pregnant, tired, and depressed, I’m not going to manage the seven thousand words a day it’s going to take to write this out in time. But you know what? It’s okay. I failed, seems like the reoccurring theme of my life lately. At this point I want to shrug and say “so what?” but all these various types of failures, they’ve got to be telling me something. So far, the only thing I’ve been able to package into a box is failing at NaNoWriMo. Doesn’t mean I suck at writing, or that I shouldn’t have attempted it.

To put it inside the box:   “It wasn’t if I won or not, not really. It was just making me write.”

It would have been nice to win, it would have been nice to set this story aside for a month, pick it up and start doing re-writes and moving along in the process. It would have been nice. But it’s not what it is. Instead, I’m going to set it down in December, pick up my eight year WIP and work on that. Did you know, if you wrote 500 words a day for 200 days it would be a full length novel? 200 days isn’t even a year. It’s roughly 7 months. 7 months, with really thoughtful writing. writing really thoughtfully for 7 months instead of rushed for one could come to taking off a rewrite. Removing a redo. Cutting months off an editing time.

I want to be a librarian, and I want to be published as a writer. Working on becoming a librarian has slowed, at the moment I’m pretty much at a pause. Unfortunate, but the halt has reminded me of a passion I’ve let fall aside. Well my loyal readers, wish me luck. I thought NaNoWriMo was going to give me the boost that I needed, but I have to look inside and find that strength some other way.

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One thought on “Giving Up

  1. Sanne says:

    All this is telling you is that you’re human and can only pack so much into your life before it becomes too much. You’re not a machine, you have a lot going on. What point is there in chopping your time into such smalls bits, you get things done but only just barely without giving it your full attention? It’s like getting the job done half-assed.

    You didn’t fail at writing a novel or making a deadline. You failed at being a machine. As far as I’m concerned, that’s not a bad thing at all. 🙂 Prioritize the things you need to put energy into and work from there. If something isn’t going to happen no matter how much energy you put into it, it’s not your fault for a lack of trying. No shame in putting something aside for something that CAN be done.

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